"That's a load off your chest"
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PEARL IS APPEARING IN CAMBRIDGE 25TH SEPT
the diy funeral queen of great yarmouth
the diy funeral queen of great yarmouth
93 years young and the best in the biz Pearl Laceneck's WORLD FAMOUS funerals have mourners as far as Hemsby and sometimes Stalham clamouring for a piece of the action.
AS SEEN ON STAGE
pearl's always on the road selling funerals because the dead never sleep and life costs money
EVERYONE LAUGHS AT HER FOR SOME REASON
you may have seen pearl at events such as Voodoo's Comedy Night, Snapdragon Cabaret, Norwich Pride, or that hot wings eating contest she's always yapping about. She even has her own feature length funeral show with local ex-MP Babs Romance!!!
BUY LOCAL DIE LOCAL
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FUNERAL PARLOUR,,,
FUNERALS
FUNERALS
Get buried by the best! Cut price funerals bargain burials and why not try her award winning HAM sandwich's???
EVENTS
EVENTS
She sings she jokes she keeps them entertained! Hire yarmouth's premiere funeral director for YOUR event,,,
get the pArTy STARTED!1!
Our resident funeral queen is partial to a birthday bash or two my loves. Yarmouth ex biker pearl's no stranger to a bit of rock n roll this was her at norwich pride 2026 what a party animal. Yes her wig comes off nothing to be ashamed of my love
BARGAIN CORNER
BARGAIN CORNER
you won't find better end of life deals this side of the wash
dignity+ subscription
dignity+ subscription
Upgrade for peace of mind and you'll get all of THIS ⬇︎
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64 cameras installed in every coffin for 360 degree immersive security
A two digit unguessable combination lock on every coffin
A good night's sleep knowing your loved one is tamper proof and no cars are smashing into the parlour
Designer brand urn hire
Designer brand urn hire
Roodhich Gymshrek North Fake and more SCATTER IN STYLE
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NO MORE fuddy duddy!!
Have your loved one turning heads not turning in their grave (urn).
Long term rental available Third party fire and theft insurance INCLUDED AS STANDARD
Wet 'n' Wild water cremation!
Wet 'n' Wild water cremation!
Available soon, alkaline hydrolysis license pending*
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Crank up the boiler, relax those tired muscles and let the good times roll with AQUAMATION....
The best funeral 'in stock'. It's all gravy at "Laceneck Funerals"
*have a word with pearl she can get you done on the sly bloody council takes forever and a day
PEARL'S PROMISE
PEARL'S PROMISE
100% AFTERLIFE SATISFACTION GUARANTEED! Or your money back*
ZERO COMPLAINTS SINCE 1890
*deceased must complain through approved medium, mystic or qualified wizard (those wizards not eligible) within 14 days of passing to receive full refund minus tuppence for ferryman, booking fees, fuel and parking my love times are hard and diesel isn't going down!!!
We'Ve GoNe GrEeN!!!
We'Ve GoNe GrEeN!!!
the most eco friendly funeral parlour in east anglia in the world... GUARANTEED
ALL ↯ELECTRIC↯ CREMATORIUM. WE ⦸NEVER⦸ USE COAL!
ALL SCRAP METALS MELTED DOWN
Gold fillings! Titanium implants! Fireworks night shrapnel!
WE MELT IT DOWN AND GET YOU SCRAP MONEY FROM THE BOROUGH COUNCIL.* Go on a nice cruise instead and leave grandad's prosthetics** to pearl and the team!!
*20% 33% handling fee chargable because the cremulator gets jammed and it's a right bugger to clear out. **Breast implants cannot be salvaged the saline ones explode and the silicon is like a mr stretch armstrong proper mess sorry my love
FAQS
FAQS
Pearl are you gay?
Pearl Laceneck is not gay my love! Her husband Jules passed away years ago and it's just her and her tortoise Merle now, men just don't turn heads nothing more to it. She is supportive of all the nice young 'LGBTs' as her granddaughter is one and she even D.J.ed Norwich Pride with her very close female friend Barbara in 2026!
When will I get my ashes back?
Right away my love unless you want a designer urn. These take time to expertly hand craft in my conservatory and I've got to ring the nice man from Roodhich and send him my card details to get the license. Good things take time but I can give you a "doggy bag".
Do you like cats?
Most of the time but the neighbour's beast is too big it's ridiculous 5 pouches a day that thing eats and then it comes in my house and rips open my bread what does the thing want with bread it only sicks it all up on my patio anyway
What events do you do?
Funerals. But I keep getting asked to do birthdays, quizzes, 'hot wings' eating competitions, stag does, D.J.ing, bingo nights, pride events, cabaret drag nights the list goes on I'M A FUNERAL DIRECTOR but I do love a boogie so don't stop asking my love i think i got 'disco fever'
Did you ever think of making it big as a R.A.P. star?
Oh no my love never fancied following in my great grandpappys footsteps, how could I ever live up to the first man to write a R.A.P.? I just like listening to Rythimically Accentuated Poetry to relax I considered doing TV but thought best not. I knew I'd either have to go right up top, or down below, and I wound up down below like on the titanic where all the fun is to be had I love it my love. Connect with the punters that way funerals for life my love.
Do you wear wigs?
I do my love nothing to be ashamed of I've been an out and proud wig wearer for years. I got it made in my favourite hairstyle so I don't have to keep paying rip off salons I just bunch it all up underneath like a nest. Used to go to Stan and Mike's barber shop but they closed and turned into an estate agents real shame I loved reading the beano and having a lollypop the dandy can shove it though load of tosh
How do I book you?
I'm so glad you asked my love! Just send me an e-mail on the webdings LACENECKFUNERALS@HOTMAIL.COM and I'll get right back to you in a jiffy my love
Can I make a donation in memory of a loved one?
Of course we love a big heart my love please send donations to Tortoise Protection Group Tortoise Rehoming and Rescue when I pass I hope they'll take care of my Merle he's going to live longer than me you know what tortoises are like my love
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